Marnie's Daily Dish

Jon Makes Kate Look Like a Sweet Petunia Pie

Marnie232 — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 23:13:24 GMT

The most awesome thing about being in the public eye is that, no matter how big of an eff-up you are, there is bound to be someone who comes along and effs up even worse. Look at the Governor of South Carolina. The guy's balls were on the chopping block for fleeing to Argentina for some extramarital tail. Then Michael Jackson goes and dies, and the guy becomes yesterday's news. Poof...a spin doctor couldn't have done a better job.

Rewind to about six months ago, when everyone under the sun wanted to crucify Octomom (and rightfully so) for being generally insane and dragging down her gaggle of chillins with her, but the Gosselin's are doing a bang-up job of taking the bad parenting focus off her at the moment. I've never even watched an episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8, but I've gathered that those kids would be better off with a Costco card, a bus pass, and a "Growing Up For Dummies" book. Apparently, she is a raging bitch and, from what I've seen, the guy's going through a major mid-life crisis of the white trash kind.

I can barely even keep up with all the bad press Jon Gosselin's been getting--between his alleged binge drinking, dreams of designing children's clothes (WTF!?), and shiteous new girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, the guy makes Britney Spears look like she's got her shiz together. They basically just filed for divorce, and he's been seen all over town with this gal pal, Hailey Glassman, who Radar Online is reporting is a former lesbian. The best part of the Radar article, for your pleasure:

“I was 18, studying biology and I put on my profile that I was a lesbian,” she said in the interview. “Hailey mailed me and said that she was interested in going to IU. She also said she was interested in lesbianism. When she finally joined IU she said it had mainly been because of me.

Did she think "lesbianism" was a major? I know people who have minored in it, but c'mon. What's interesting is this is the least shocking news that's come out about her this week. She also apparently banged a bunch of football players for coke in order to lose a bunch of weight. Classssssy! Here are the details from The Superficial:

We lived in Bordner 200 in McNutt during freshmen year at IU. Over winter break the first year she lost 20 pounds.When girls on the floor asked for her secret she said two word..."coke diet!" I also talked with her after sophomore spring break in Acapulco and she told some crazy stories involving her and a certain varsity athletic team.
When push came to shove....she spent all week hosting several football players in her room including then qb Blake Powers. The room was definitely not the only thing she provided (I heard about definite tag team action)... all on daddy's credit card of course.
The girl started out sweet but got consumed with the drugs, those kids better watch out before there daddy gets addicted to nose candy.

I'm no gyno, but I'm pretty sure if her vagina had free will, it would fall on its diseased sword. Now, The Superficial has photos of Jon on the town with another nasty ho. The guy doesn't even know how to use his 15 minutes to find a hot chick! 'Course, he must have thought Kate was good looking at one point, which pretty much throws his whole view of hotness on its ass.

What will this douche do next? I shudder to think.

Chris Brown, Diddy, & Others Touched by Michael Jackson

Marnie232 — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 17:22:36 GMT

There's nothing that can warm the cockles of one's heart more than a touching tribute to a (alleged) pedophile performed by a musician that likes to beat the tar out of women. Get me a tissue, will you? Eonline is reporting that Chris Brown is teaming up with P Puff Sean Combs Diddy Daddy, among others, on a tribute song to the late pop icon Michael Jackson. I wonder if they can get a moving intro from OJ in prison.

What's even better is E! has revealed a few of the lines, and they are gems:

"I guess what I'm askin' is, everybody bow your head for a legend, don't breathe for a second... My confession, somebody tell Usher, I seen him moonwalk, I guess the young 'Thriller' touched him, like he touched me, like he touched you..."

Yes, well, he did touch a lot of people...allegedly.

Melissa Joan Hart Sucks

Marnie232 — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 03:40:09 GMT

Melissa Joan Hart, who is recently getting publicity for losing her (massive) baby weight (And who the eff are you anyway?), proves that her last name is a bit ironic. According to Page Six, she of the highly acclaimed Sabrina the Teenage Witch, was hoping Farah Fawcett wouldn't kick the bucket this week...not because of her concern for her well-being, but rather because the news would have likely bumped her off the cover of PEOPLE Magazine. Melissa the Middle Aged Bitch!

What's even more ironic is Hart appeared on KTLA to promote her new ice cream and candy store. Skank lost the weight and now wants the rest of us schmo's to be lard asses. Protest!

BTW, is that Mayor Villaragosa in the background of this pic from The Superficial?

Octo-mom to Buy a Pig: Swine Not?

Marnie232 — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 05:28:09 GMT

With a possible reality show in the works, it's clear Octo-mom has been trying to bring home the bacon. According to Usmagazine.com, she's also considering the whole pig...ya know, cuz she's not crazy or anything. Maybe she should save the money from the farm animal in favor of...I don't know...a mental health savings account for all the years of therapy those kids are going to need. I hear you can get that tax-free! Here's the scoop:

"For a couple of years, the kids have been asking for a dog," Suleman tells the San Gabriel Valley News. "I've actually been looking into a pig, like a little one."

Suleman says if she were to buy a pig, it would wear a diaper and live outside the family's $564,000 La Habra, Calif. home because of its smell.

She's also thinking about getting a a teacup Pomeranian or a similar small pooch, she tells the newspaper.

The 33-year-old is currently negotiating for a reality show.

She also recently tried to trademark her nickname, Octo-mom.

"Nadya doesn't like being called it, but if someone's going to make money from it, might as well be her," her lawyer Jeff Czech says in Us Weekly's latest issue, on stands now.

And the rationalizations just keep on comin'! I'm just surprised she hasn't tried to make a trade - one pig for one baby...it's not like anyone would notice, including her.

Brian Austin Green: Living Proof That Men Are Never Pleased

Marnie232 — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 23:46:29 GMT

For years now, men everywhere have seen Brian Austin Green as a hero - a beacon of hope that an average looking guy can date up...and date up in a BIG way. Let's face it - the guy's a solid 5 on a good day, when his mono-brow isn't quite touching, and yet he landed Megan Fox, who is, frankly, off the beauty charts scale. To boot, she's basically come forth and admitted her love of sex, and even her penchant for dabbling in bisexuality. A guy's dream? You bet your sweet ass. And what does Brian Austin Green do? He blatantly laughs in the face of the gods of overachieving, and dares to cheat! Okay, okay, so a picture doesn't prove anything, but it's not looking good.

Brian, Brian, Brian, unless Megan is a hermaphrodite or has declared her undying devotion to the devil, you do not tempt fate. You just grab on to what you've been given and enjoy the ride...while it lasts, my friend...while it lasts.

Somewhere, a Domestic Violence Shelter is Missing its Idiot

Marnie232 — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 01:28:46 GMT

Because who doesn't love a good ass whoopin', some seriously mentally unstable woman has decided it'd be a good idea to take up with Chris Brown. Ladies, this "man" is one ill fitting glove away from OJ, mmmk? My boo, my ass!

The New York Daily News has the scoop:

And while Jackson is “no Rihanna,” the general consensus among his friends and family is that the new girl is going to be good for him in the long run. “[Erica] has a good head on her shoulders; she’s solid,” says our insider. Chris and his new gal pal were spotted leaving a Sunset Blvd. tattoo parlor on Saturday afternoon.

“She’s more of a plain Jane — cute though,” says our source. At the very least, she’s helping to ease Chris’ pain over Rihanna. He was mad in love with that girl.”

Really? A "good head on her shoulders?" Let's just hope it's well attached to her neck or it's going to show up in Rihanna's bed one of these days.

Britney Spears is So Classy

Marnie232 — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 01:14:58 GMT

'Member those old lyrics "The children are our future"? If that includes Britney Spears' generation, we're officially effed. Just when it seems the girl might not be one cheetoh/Red Bull/Frapuccino cocktail away from a complete breakdown, she proves that she's just as looney as her undie and hair-free days.

Celebuzz is reporting that, at last night's Vancouver show, Britney promptly walked off stage without explanation:

According to the Vancouver Sun, a female voice announced to the anxious crowd, "The building is awfully smoky. It is uncomfortable for everyone on stage, including Ms. Spears. Please extinguish all cigarettes—this is a non-smoking building, and the show will resume when the smoke on the stage is cleared."

Finally, the pop star reappeared on stage about 30 minutes later, finishing her upbeat set for the Canadian audience. Wearing her hot police-woman outfit, she ended the encore with some ironic words: "Drive safe. Don't smoke weed. And rock out with your c*cks out. Peace motherf*ckers."

Um, okay, where to start with this one. First of all, Britney's calling people out for smoking too much? Hey Pot, it's kettle--BAM! There were days you'd have gladly sucked off the back of an exhaust pipe had you been out of your ciggies. Secondly, "Rock out with your c*cks out"? Anyone who's seen where you've been in the last ten years will rock out with their c*cks in, thank you very much.

Lindsay Lohan Solidifies Her Standing as White Trash

Marnie232 — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 05:39:30 GMT

Move over, Britney, there's a new Mayor in Crazy Town! Lindsay Lohan, who desperately needs to eat a cheeseburger, has proved she has one less brain cell and, let's face it, that's tough to do.

After Jerry Springer-esque stories of broken windows, fist fights, and middle-of-the-night visits to Jack Nicholson's house (WTF!?), Samantha Ronson somehow saw fit to kick the sickly looking Lindsay Lohan to the curb. And like the douche-tastic John Mayer before her, Li-lo saw fit to take her story to Twitter. After Sam's family decided to block Lindsay from coming to Charlotte Ronson's party, Us Magazine reports this on Lindsay's tweets:

PLEASE leave me ALONE. and stop staying in the room below me, you've woken me and my mother up. go to bed. keep cheating u win.

In addition to accusing Ronson of cheating on her, Lohan also slammed her for badmouting (sic) her to People magazine.

Lohan disputes there was any drama, despite multiple sources, witnesses and her Twitter page telling Us otherwise.

"Oy vey. lol," she told Us over email when asked about the fight and the breakup. "Not true. hahahaha."

Sadly, Lindsay thinks "Oy vey" means pass the vodka.

Heidi Montag Wants Spencer Pratt to Rap, Yes Rap, On Her CD

Marnie232 — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 04:24:04 GMT

Why is that anyone with a pair of ta ta's thinks they can sing these days? The biggest fame whores this side of...shit...anywhere...are releasing an album together. Reali-douche Heidi Montag wants to punish us even more by not only releasing music, but by having her milk toast pretend husband Spencer Pratt rap on it. Is this some kind of sick joke, cuz April Fool's is over, assholes!? You get one day to eff with us, and the other 364 days of the year, no one wants to entertain the thought of your cracker boyfriend spouting off some lame ass lyrics he thought of while sitting on the crapper! Before I go punch something hard just to make sure I haven't died and gone to hell, here is the story from UsMagazine.com:

"Spencer Pratt is amazing," she says. "I'd love to get him on my album. He sings, he raps — he does everything."

She even wrote one tune, "Your Love Found Me," after their controversial relationship.

"This is a song that is so fun to play," says Montag. "It is so heartwarming, and every time I hear it, I get so excited. For me, it was a really fun song. It's very much about me and my relationship. Before I found Spencer, I had so much chaos, and when I found him, I became lost in him in a good way."

Hey, I've got a fun song. It's actually a little Country ditty called "Your 15 Minutes is up, Beeyatch, So Don't Let the Door Hit You in Your Implanted Ass!"

John Mayer Dons Gay Nautical Attire: Ups Douchebag Stakes

Marnie232 — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 05:53:35 GMT

After watching Jason Mesnick bawl his way through this last season of The Bachelor, I didn't think I'd ever find a dude with a bigger man-gina than that guy, but John Mayer just cut off his own balls and tossed them into the ring. I read that he was hosting his own cruise on what's known as "The Mayercraft Carrier" in Mexico, and I just knew that His Douchiness would do something outrageous--and by outrageous, I mean completely lame. Then I saw the photos on The Superficial, and it struck me--the guy's in the midst of a major identity crisis. And by identity crisis, I mean he's not sure where he wants his snake to land.

John, dressing up like a long lost member of The Village People isn't cool! Let's just say, if this was Love Boat, I wouldn't be hoping for a seat at The Captain's table.

John Mayer's Douchiness Caused His Breakup With Jen

Marnie232 — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 05:21:41 GMT

This article on The Superficial confirms my worst nightmare: John Mayer is an incurable douche. I didn't want to believe it at first. I even ignored his hideous and distorted "O" face that he sports throughout his concerts. I really, really tried, but I need to face facts. John Mayer is a d-bag, and he lets his freaky d-bag flag fly like it's something to be proud of too. The article (via the Telegraph) outlines how John's addiction to Twitter ultimately broke up his relationship with Jennifer Aniston:

The source said: "John suddenly stopped calling her or returning her emails and when she would finally catch up with him, he'd say: 'I've been so busy with work. I'm sorry I haven't had time to call you back."
The source added: "Jen was fuming. There he was, telling her he didn't have time for her and yet his page was filled with Twitter updates.
"Every few hours, sometimes minutes, he'd update with some stupid line. And in her mind, she was like 'He has time for all this Twittering, but he can't send me a text, an email, make a call?'."
It has also been claimed musician John made no attempt to cover up his Twitters.
The source said: "He didn't even deny it. He knew he was avoiding her. So when she called him on it and ended things, he just said OK, and that he was sorry it didn't work out.
"He took the break-up like a man."
Even so, shortly after Aniston's call, Mayer's Twitter update read: 'This heart didn't come with instructions.'

This heart didn't come with instructions? There are only two excuses for writing, nay tweeting, such nonsense. 1) You've just accepted a spot on the show "Gone Country" or 2) You were involved in a horrible paper mill accident and your balls were shredded into oblivion.

Lindsay Lohan Makes Me Throw Up in my Mouth

Marnie232 — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 06:59:58 GMT

Celebuzz.com posted the layout in Nylon Magazine featuring Lindsay Lohan, and the general gist of the article is that she's starting to wig about her lack of employment:

"It's scary when you realize, 'Oh my God, I'm not working. And have a house to pay for now,'" she says.

Lindsay indicates that she's been auditioning, and cites the upcoming Tim Burton-directed Alice in Wonderland as a film for which she tried out.

"That didn't work out," she says. "It is what it is. You're not right for the part, and that's it. I can take it, I'm a big girl."

Yeah, Linds, nothing screams "Hire me!" like a ciggie, grandma panties, and legs that look a bit like two twinkies that have been left out in the rain. Next!

Memo to Brooke Hogan re: Stripper Pole Offense

Marnie232 — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 05:54:48 GMT

Open Letter to Brooke Hogan:

Brooke, Brooke, Brooke, while I'm not 100% convinced that you're not your dad in drag, I thought I'd write you this letter on the off chance that you are, indeed, a woman. I can only imagine that you have some sort of reverse circus mirror in your home that has somehow convinced that you are the kind of girl that could (and should) work a stripper pole. You are not. I don't care if you go with the landing strip, the Brazilian, or the full Tele Savalas down there. No one, and I repeat NO ONE, wants to see your naughty bits, wrapped around a pole or otherwise.

Here is a list of some of things I'd rather see than your vajayjay:

The porta potties the day after Mardi Gras

The inside of Amy Winehouse's mouth

Spencer Pratt's penis (ewwww)

John McCain's penis

One of Paris Hilton's open sores

My mom and dad doing the nasty

I think you get the picture.

Thank you,

Jane Q Public

Jessica Simpson's Brain Should Be Donated To Science

Marnie232 — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 02:04:28 GMT

How many blondes does it take to remember the lyrics to a Country song? Don't ask Jessica Simpson. The "Oh shit I used to at least have a hot bod" singer (?) forgot the words for like the bazillionth time in concert the other night. I can only imagine that creepy Dad-ager Joe Simpson has greased the palm of every music exec in the business. Otherwise, how the eff does this girl continue to hit the stage?

Us Magazine has the story on the latest gaffe:

She flubbed the opening lyrics to "Remember That," a song about being in an abusive relationship.

"Oops! I said whiskey too early! I messed up!" she said before starting the song over. "I'm so embarrassed! But I'm starting over again because I really want you guys to hear the lyrics the right way."

While singing "Still Don't Stop Me", she also mixed up the opening line, blushing and running her fingers through her hair.

"I messed up again! I do this all the time!" she said, laughing.

When lip synching Ashlee Simpson proves to be the more talented sister, it's time to grab your douche boyfriend, a 20-gallon bucket of Haagen Dazs and call it a career.

Breaking News: Michael Jackson Collects Little Boys

Marnie232 — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 01:15:27 GMT

I'm feeling lazy today, so I thought I'd blog about a story that writes itself. TMZ has uncovered the manifest of items that have come from Jacko's Neverland mansion and, surprise, there is a wide array of statues of young boys! Here is the list from his bizarre boy collection:

"boy with accordion," "boy sitting on bricks," "boy w/ baton and hat w/ feathers," "two boys on swing bar," "two boys with ladder," "boys sleeping on bench," " boys milking goat," "boy on a toy car with girl," "boy pulling, 2 boys on a bike," "boy lifting girl," "2 boys sitting on a sunflower," "little boy with turquoise overalls on a stand," "bronze boy and girl hugging," "bronze boy carrying a fruit basket," "boys catching fish." And it goes on and on and on and on ....

What, no boy doing the downward dog? No boy holding what looks to be the remnants of a human nose? Come on, guys, this is news meant to shock? I'd be more surprised if they uncovered a Playboy collection. "Hey Michael, what's this?" "Oh that? Kindling."