Lynne Spears Reveals Just How Bad She Sucks

Just when we thought the scales were tipped in favor of Dina Lohan being the crappiest mother on the face of the earth, Lynne Spears goes and pens a tell-all that reveals her kids would have been better off raised by monkeys...with rabies.  Per The Daily News, here are the "secrets" Mama Spears reveals about Britney, which are about as shocking as finding out that a bear does, indeed, doo-doo in the woods:

In a tell-all book, Spears' mother, Lynne, reveals her daughter surrendered her chastity to a high school football stud when she was just 14.

Mama Spears, 53, also dishes that the pop icon took a liking to booze when she was a 13-year-old Mouseketeer and began experimenting with drugs at 15.

By age 16, Britney's wild-child behavior stunned her family when she was caught with cocaine and marijuana on a private jet, Lynn Spears claims.

Lynne also reportedly went along with the scheme to convince Justin Timberlake that Britney was a virgin.  Hey Justin, if you believed that, I've got some gorgeous property off the Gaza Strip I'd like to show you.

The book, "Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World," is set for release Sept. 16, but The Sun of London published titillating highlights on Thursday.

Lynne Spears, 53, confesses her regret of losing control of Britney's career to handlers who promoted her as a sex object and put her in raunchy videos.

Mother and daughter are reportedly estranged and, while I'm no rocket scientist, I'm going to guess this book pretty much puts the final nail in the reconciliation coffin.